


Moment of weakness

by Kakeri



Series: In Our Moments of Weakness [1]
Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Heavy Angst, Pre-Cannon, Sad!Victor, Suicidal Thoughts, ventfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-03
Updated: 2017-03-03
Packaged: 2018-09-28 00:20:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 957
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10058714
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kakeri/pseuds/Kakeri
Summary: This takes place before Viktor runs off to go see Yuuri. This fic deals with suicidal thoughts, so please if that's difficult for you, don't read.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This is a vent fic guys, it might turn into something more but for now its suppose to be a stand alone fic.

Viktor sighed as he stared at his phone, it was three in the morning, he should be asleep not scrolling through endless articles about his career. None of them said anything good, they were all about his age, how he had stopped being surprising, that he needed to retire while he was ahead.  
He felt a stinging behind his eyes, growling he chucked his phone at the wall, causing Makkachin to wake up, looking around for some form of danger. He sighed.

“It’s nothing Makkachin, just go back to sleep.”  
He mumbled, his companion whimpered and walked over, nuzzling him. He couldn’t help the smile that came on his face, his dog always knew how to cheer him up. He gently pet the dog. 

“You don’t think I’m getting to old, do you buddy?” 

He whispered, he was 27, most people in the sport retired by now, their bodies not able to put up with the strain of constant training and traveling, but he wasn’t most people. He was Viktor Nikiforov, his entire career was built on surprising people, defying odds, doing the impossible.

Even though, no one seemed to really be shocked by his performances anymore. He had already won gold at the GPF five times now, what else could he do. His programs lacked emotion, it wasn’t that he was running out of ideas. He was just running out of passion, you can only pour so much of yourself into something before you run dry. But skating was all he had, it was his life and his love… He had nothing else… No family, hardly any friends. For as long, as he could remember it was always about wining, being the best. Now when he was at the top of the world, he realized how lonely it was. He spent so long, sacrificing things to get to where he was that he felt like there was nothing left for him here. 

Those articles were right. He was nothing. He was too old to be doing this sport, he should let Yuri or that Japanese skater from the GPF take over his mantle. A small smile appeared on his face when he thought of that Japanese man. Sure, he had bombed at routine but there was so much passion in his skating. Anyone watching could feel his love and devotion for the sport. They could see his story.

Yea... He should really let one of them take over, no one would miss him anyway. He was alone, all his awards and medals got him nothing but an empty apartment. He saw that Makkachin was sleeping and slowly got out of bed.

“I’m sorry buddy.” He mumbled as he went into the kitchen, he found some paper and a pen and start writing a letter.

_I’m sorry everyone that I could not live up to your standards. Everyone is right that I’m getting to old for the sport that I love. My programs have no passion anymore and the more I think about it, neither does my life. I have been neglecting life and love for over twenty years and it’s coming back to bite me in the butt. I would rather leave the world knowing that people still look up to me and see as I am. Then wait till I’m nothing more the a “living-legend.” I hope that one day you’ll be able to forgive me for this._  
Yavok: Please look after Makkachin for me and sell whatever I have left and use a portion of the money for Yuri. He is so young and has so much potential, I just want to see him grow.  
Yuri: I know you will surpass me in the future. Keep going Yuratchka  
Chris: I don’t know if you’ll ever see this, but thank you for being my friend for these past ten years. It means so much to me. I’m sorry we didn’t get to talk on last time.  
The skater from Japan: Don’t you stop skating, you have so much passion. Passion that I have lost. Please let the world see your story.  
With love,  
Viktor Nikiforov 

He stared at the letter in his hand reading and rereading it over and over again until he was satisfied with it. He left the letter on the table, going over to the cabinet he put food and water in Makkachins bowls, knowing that Yuri or Yavok would come by as soon as he missed practice. He then opened the drawer and pulled out a knife, going to the sink he held his wrist over it, he then pressed the knife to his wrist.

He stared at the knife, feeling the pressure of it, wishing it would go deeper. He stood there for what seemed like forever before he finally gave up and put the knife back in drawer. He groaned out of frustration, pulling his hair as he sank to the ground.

“Why? Why couldn’t I do it? I’m pathetic…” 

He mumbled as he stood up, grabbing the letter. He walked back to his room, putting the letter in the drawer by his bed. He got in bed and forced himself to sleep.

For months, he would pull out the letter and read it to himself, he always felt the same. Until he saw a video of the Japanese skater from last year’s GPF skating his routine. He booked the first flight to Japan, he packed everything he would need while he was gone. Not bothering to tell anyone where he was going. That night he jumped on the plane and smiled to himself.

He had something to live for the first time in over twenty years and for once he didn’t think about that letter or that night.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading this. Before anyone ask, I'm fine. I was in a dark place last week and I decided to write this to let out some of my thoughts. Thank you for your concern.


End file.
